Shame vs Conviction

This is going to be my last blog for a little while just because this coming week we are going to be getting things ready for our time in Dollywood and I am still working at my dads office! So things have been busy ... but I like that!! I just haven't had as much time for writing but by the time we get back from Dollywood I plan to be writing a lot more! So there's just a quick little update for you guys!

Before we get started I wanted y'all to know a little bit of the background to this blog post. I thought of this blog because of one of the songs we did on our album. The song is called "What Shame Says". It is an original song written by two very talented musicians, Scotty Inman and Joseph Habedank. They wrote this song and when we heard it, we knew we had to do it. The message to this song is what inspired me to write today's blog post. If you want to listen to the song you can here! I hope it encourages you as much as it did me. I encourage you to really listen to the words.

I have lived with shame for many years and so I know how powerful shame is and how it can truly keep you from ever reaching recovery. But that's why I also want to talk about conviction. There is such a major difference between the two. I learned a lot about shame versus conviction in the treatment center I went to back in 2015. I am a sensitive, tender-hearted person and yet I had to come to grips that I created scars in my family that were deep and scars that would live with my family the rest of their lives ... all because of my eating disorder which led to my behaviors that hurt, cut and scarred my family. When I had to come to grips with that...it was almost unbearable. I couldn’t accept the fact that I had done that to my family ... but in order to heal from my disorder ... I had to accept it. But I didn’t know how. But that’s where learning about shame and guilt became a huge game changer. It changed the way I viewed healing and I soon realized that if I wanted to recover ... this was a major step I was going to have to accept. 

Here is a list of the differences between shame and conviction. You can always substitute shame with guilt, it’s one in the same thing. But I want you to see the difference between shame and conviction because there really is such a big difference. It is vital that you see the difference because like I said ... it’s a game changer.

Shame has no forgiveness - Conviction allows forgiveness

Shame has no hope - Conviction’s path leads to hope

Shame keeps up boundaries - Conviction breaks the boundaries and leads to life

Shame keeps you locked up - Conviction leads to a life filled with freedom

Shame says you are unworthy - Conviction shows you how worthy you really are

Shame is dark and hidden - Conviction can be exposed

Shame stays - Conviction goes away

Shame screams and whispers at you - Conviction simply states the facts

Shame lies to you - Conviction is the truth with love

Shame makes you hate yourself - Conviction makes you hate the sin … not yourself

Shame never lets you accept what you've done - Conviction allows you to accept your mistakes and move on

Shame is all pride - Conviction is humility 

Shame comes from Satan - Conviction comes from God

Let me explain. Shame is Satan's way to keep someone as trapped as if you were still in your addiction or disorder. When you’ve reached the point in your life where you are coming face to face with either shame or conviction ... it means you are coming close to beginning your recovery ... and Satan hates that so he tries to bind you up with shame or guilt. Shame leads you to feeling hopeless, so bad about yourself that you can't live with what you did to yourself or your loved ones. Shame screams at you that what you have done is unforgivable ... that you will never be able to overcome the mess you have created. Shame keeps you hidden in a dark cave, whispering to you that you are unworthy to come out because of how “bad” you are ... and there are many more examples. So do you see how trapped and overcome with self hatred and stuck you still are when you give in to shame? 

Conviction on the other hand is the complete opposite. Now, I know at the same time, conviction isn’t necessarily pleasant ... but it is a very necessary part to healing. Conviction allows you to come face to face with your sin, the scars you created and the mess you have gone through and it allows you to accept it and move on. Conviction allowed me to look into my sisters’ hurt faces and tell them I’m sorry. I was able to accept the anger and hurt I had caused my sisters and I was able to humbly ask for forgiveness and move on. It took years and many times over to have to look into their hurt faces, hear them explain to me the hurts and memories that were still hard for them ... but I had to do that in order for both my sisters and myself to heal. 

But if I had given into shame, I would have never been able to do that because I would have been so overcome with sadness, pride and overwhelming hatred towards myself that I would never have been able to forgive myself. That is shame. 

Conviction allowed the complete opposite. It allowed me to continue on the path towards true forgiveness and life and freedom and love. I had to not only do it with my sisters and parents ... I had to do it with myself. When I was bulimic I had to look at my overweight body and accept all the binges that had gotten me to this point in my life and I had to forgive myself, accept my mistakes and move on and keep going towards recovery. Shame would not have let me move an inch ... and I know it for a fact, because I stayed stuck for many years in shame and I never did make any progress. Shame kept me locked up for years hidden in a dark room with no light and no forgiveness. Not only did I have to deal with shame with anorexia, I had to deal with it going through my bulimia. And I had to really let go and forgive myself of my mistakes and accept where I was. 

Shame wouldn’t let me be free ... but conviction did and does. Conviction is the only way one can overcome the messes and mistakes we make in life. Conviction comes from God ... He allows us to feel the sin/hurt, deal with it and move on. It keeps us humble. It shows us that if it weren’t for God's mercy and grace and love in our lives that we would be helpless and overcome with our sins and mistakes. So conviction keeps us humble, it shows us we need a Savior. 

Because conviction is from God, He always gives a way to life and freedom ... He never keeps us stuck in our sins and that is where conviction comes in. It shows us our mess ups, mistakes and sins, but then its path leads us to true forgiveness, freedom, love, life and joy. Shame does the complete opposite. Don’t give into shame and guilt. Life awaits you down the road of conviction ... I know it sounds backwards. When you come to the part in your life where you are dealing with either shame or conviction ... picture it like this. You’ve come to a fork in the road and you have a choice ... if you go left down the road of shame ... it leads to darkness, enslavement, hopelessness, imprisonment, despair, etc…

If you go right, the road of conviction, it leads to life, freedom, forgiveness, hope and ultimate recovery. It may not feel good, but it will only be temporary. Eventually you will get the benefits of choosing the right path.

Be encouraged my friends if you are even at this crossroad in life ... because if you are ... it means that you are beginning the road to everlasting recovery. But remember, where you end up is determined by which road you take.

~ Natalie