Acceptance
When I was in the treatment center a word I heard a lot in regards to recovery was acceptance. Acceptance is also one of those typical words you hear in regards to recovery or bettering yourself. I heard that word all the time. But it would annoy me for a couple reasons. One being, I couldn’t accept myself and two, was because it was way harder to accept myself. We would throw that word around like it was something easy to achieve … but it’s not! At least for me it wasn’t. Acceptance is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do on this road to recovery. Yet as hard as it is … it’s just as vital and healing for us on our road to recovery.
On our road to recovery you have to accept who you are and where you are in order to get to where you’re going. If you can’t accept who you are then there’s no way you can get to where you're going. Your self is the vehicle on this journey called life. And if you ain’t happy with where you’re at and want to be somewhere else then the only one who can take you to that destination is your self. So you have to accept yourself.
Ok so we stated the problem and the solution but how do we make the solution a reality? Acceptance! Acceptance of your past mistakes and present flaws and your future journey.
I gotta say, writing that statement is waaaaay easier than living the past years fighting to accept all of it. Acceptance isn’t easy … but it is vital to recovery. Acceptance and I are like oil and water but I have come to appreciate just how valuable it is in order for me to get further along down my road to recovery. If you want to move along down your road to recovery … you can’t get far without acceptance.
As I said earlier you have to accept your past, present and future. You have to accept your:
Past self and all its mistakes.
Present self with all of its flaws and weaknesses
Future self and your journey/route it’s gonna take to get you where you wanna be.
I can honestly say, I am writing from personal experience. I have not been able to skirt around acceptance in any way. Acceptance has been one of the most humbling things I have had to fight for.
When accepting your past, present and future self you have to swallow your pride and not give into shame. Shame is one of the biggest roadblocks to acceptance because as horrible and as miserable shame is … as humans it’s easier to listen and hide under shame than it is to admit the wrong you have done. Think about that statement … it is easier to listen and hide under shame than it is to admit the wrong you have done.
For me, when I was recovering from anorexia I had to accept the punishment of my actions. I had to gain weight. Period. That alone was hard enough having to accept that. I had to accept and listen to my sisters tell me the hurt I had caused them years after my battle with anorexia. I had to accept my sister's anger and hurt towards how I had treated them years down the road. Sometimes that meant many years later after my battle with anorexia, having my sisters cry and break down over the simple fact that I went on a walk or didn’t eat something cause I wasn’t hungry - but that reminded them of how I was when I was anorexic and that hurt would bubble up and come out … and I would have to accept it.
When I was recovering from bulimia I had to accept myself being overweight. Hard enough and nearly impossible yet I had to accept myself. I had to accept the weight that I needed to lose yet couldn’t because my body didn't want to let go of the weight because my body remembered the restriction it had lived under and it wasn’t ready to let go of that extra weight. I had to accept the fact that I will never lose the weight I yearned to lose. I had to throw clothes away that I wanted to fit into again but knew I never would. I had to accept myself knowing because of the trauma I had put it under through anorexia that I would never lose the weight I so longingly wanted to lose.
I had to accept the fact that I had a long, hard, exhausting road ahead which meant daily fighting. I had to accept the fact that I had no idea how to feed myself yet I had to accept the fact that I had to learn for myself and no one could do it for me. It meant daily fighting, daily decisions and daily discipline that I couldn’t avoid. I had to accept that I would mess up over and over and over again and would have to accept the fact I would have to show myself grace and pick myself up over and over again in the future.
I had to accept my past mistakes, my present self and my future journey … and let me tell you … it has come with nothing short of blood, sweat and tears. But God has equipped me and carried me every step of the way.
God has given me so much grace and forgiveness along this messy journey. He knows how much I have fallen and messed up over the years and He knows how frail and imperfect we are yet! He saw us in our sin and loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us so that we could experience life, freedom and everlasting recovery! And that same grace, forgiveness and love is extended to you!
I will caution you, do not listen to shame. It will turn you into a victim and will keep you from accepting yourself and your mistakes which is exactly what Satan wants. It is easier to play the victim because then you can just excuse your behavior … I know because I am guilty of this. But playing the victim like that will get you absolutely nowhere in life. Do the hard thing and accept your flaws, your mess ups, your mistakes and your consequences. It will only make you a better person.
God is so good and so gracious that He uses all those mess ups and mistakes to make us better people and to make us look more like Him. Acceptance makes you swallow your pride and shows you that you are like everybody else. We are all imperfect and we all mess up and we all struggle so we might as well accept it! Shame is the easy way out and you will never learn the valuable lessons God is trying to teach you through your mess ups.
I can honestly say acceptance has been one of the hardest things for me but one of the most life changing things for me. Acceptance has brought me the biggest results and transformations of myself.
I encourage you … fight for acceptance. It’s worth it! Your self is your vehicle on this road to recovery and if you can’t accept your past, present and future self … then you might as well get comfy and just hang out on the side of the road.
~ Natalie