Black Holes

The other day I was thinking about the human heart. I was thinking about how so much of the time I want to go to food as a reward, or for comfort or simply for pleasure. But I was thinking about the dangers in that and how it so quickly can become an eating disorder. Why it becomes a disorder in the first place is because we simply go to food for comfort or a treat because we did good, or because we’ve had a stressful day so we “deserve” to unwind and eat whatever we want. But that is extremely dangerous. Why? Because our heart is a black hole.  

Every human has a black hole in their heart. Yes, like the black holes in the sky. Look at this definition of a black hole from NASA, “A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out.”

So black holes are like a vacuum. And nothing satisfies that black hole, it just keeps pulling. There is a constant force that cannot be satisfied and it is always sucking something in.

That is our heart. As humans we constantly are sucking things into our hearts to help satisfy the black hole of our heart … and the pull is massively strong. For me, I pull into my heart or vacuum in food. That is what I tend to “take in” to help satisfy that emptiness in my heart … that black hole. 

Here’s what I want you to really get though. One day not too long ago, I was really wanting to go to eat for a reward because we had come off a stressful week and so I wanted a treat. But as I was thinking about going to food for that reward I started thinking of what would actually happen. I would go to food, eat what I wanted and then what? Would I just keep wanting more or would it be enough? More than likely it wouldn’t be enough and that’s what got me thinking. I became very depressed over that fact so I went and sat by myself and started to really analyze the situation. 

I sat alone thinking back over the past years. I realized that food has never really satisfied me. It has never once ever truly filled my black hole. And I really started seeing that God must be the One to fill that black hole in my heart. I have talked about this in my book, this isn’t a new concept for me. But it was like I got it on a whole new level. 

See, I don't have an eating disorder anymore, but even in my life I realized I can still go to food as a comfort. Not in an ED sort of way but just because I’m human sort of way. It was very eye opening to me. I couldn't believe how I still can go to food for comfort, or a reward or for stress. 

So as I sat there I let myself feel that hole. That giant hole screaming at me to fill it with something. I sat there feeling very vulnerable, scared, lonely and upset on so many levels. But I realized that I had to feel those feelings and face them. Once I did that I started praying and inviting God into that black hole. I realized that He is the only One who can fill that black hole in my heart. For years I have just gone to food, but it has never worked and has never been enough. Jesus Christ is the only One who can truly fill that black hole and satisfy it.

Nothing else can satisfy that black hole it will just keep sucking anything and everything else … unless we go to Him, and invite Him in that area of our hearts and ask Him to satisfy and fill that black hole. It's hard and our flesh doesn't want to go to Him … but it is the only way to be truly satisfied, truly free and truly at rest. He will do it, that’s why He died for us.

I say all this because if I am not careful or if I get into the habit of just going to food because I want it, or I feel I deserve it or for whatever reason, that can quickly be a gateway that slips me back into an eating disorder. That’s why I started thinking about all this. It was very convicting and really uncomfortable to go through. But it is so worth it because God is so much better than anything this world has to offer. But our flesh doesn't want to believe it so we tend to go to other things to satisfy our black hole. But if we go to God, He fills that void, that emptiness, that dark hole and fills it with His gentle comfort, His calming presence and His everlasting satisfaction. We just have to want Him to fill us and surrender to Him. 

This is life folks. This is the battle within that every one of us has to deal with even if we want to admit it or not. When you lay your head on the pillow at night, you know it’s true. You have felt it. You have felt that void and black hole. It’s the human heart and we all have one and if we don’t fill it with Jesus Christ, then that is how we can fall into disorders and addictions. 

So I hope this opens your eyes to see and understand your heart that much more so that you are aware of how we may fall into bad habits, unhealthy lifestyles that can eventually lead to disorders and addictions. I hope this encourages those of you who are recovering or struggling, cause the answer is all throughout this blog! It’s Jesus Christ. Accept Him and invite Him into your heart and He will be with you every step of the way. And one day ... you will reach everlasting recovery!

~ Natalie