The Change Starts With You
The title to this blog is a very, very overused line dealing with diets. At least I heard that line one too many times when doing different diets and programs and whatever else I tried. I would hear things like this, “You are the only one who can change yourself.” or, “The change starts with you, so what are you waiting for?” or “You are the only one stopping yourself from being your better self.” It was lines like that that just made me so angry and helpless.
I knew there was truth to those kinds of sayings and that’s what bugged me the most. When I would hear those things said to me I would beat myself over the head and try to will myself to be better. I would will myself to stay on this diet, or finish this exercise program, or eat clean until I lose weight or not have any sugar, because like I always heard...the change starts with me. No matter how hard I wanted to change myself ... I couldn't. I never lasted on any diet, program, exercise challenge … nothing. I could never make it and then I would end up at a bigger weight than before and more loathing of myself.
Does that feel or sound relatable to any of y’all? I mean, it doesn't even have to strictly deal with food. Maybe you struggle with anxiety or depression or addictions and you’ve heard it said that the change starts with you so you try to pick yourself up from whatever it is you’re struggling with and you determine to be better and before you know it you're worse off than you started. Has that happened to you? Have you ever wondered why that happens? Have you ever gotten angry at that line because you know deep down the change does start with you and yet you are incapable of changing? I sure have.
I’m going to do my best and explain to you the truth behind the statement and hopefully put a new look on that key phrase ... a look that will encourage you and not torment you so that you can change and so that recovery can become real for you like it did me!
Like I said, there is truth to the phrase, “the change starts with you” but it’s not in any of the physical ways you mostly hear about. It’s not by eating a certain way, it’s not by doing extreme exercise regimes, it’s not by losing weight or gaining weight ... it’s something much more subtle. The change starts when you don’t do anything for the outward appearance but choose to start by changing something on the inside. The change starts when you choose to love yourself ... today.
I know, I know ... loving yourself sounds very typical and another one of those statements that you hear all the time. Many different times I would try to “love” myself just in order to lose weight ... that’s not love. It’s not acceptance either.
The love I’m talking about is a love that we don’t have. It’s true, you can love yourself in a thousand different ways … but the love I’m talking about is a love that we cannot possess. The love I’m talking about is God’s love. I don’t have love that loves me ... all of me. I don't have love that is determined and loves me when I mess up for the millionth time. I don't have love that can love every inch of me, every extra pound, or every hair on my head down to my pinky toe. I don’t have the kind of love that accepts myself and accepts the good, the bad and the ugly. The only One who can love me that wholly and that perfectly is God. And He is the only One who can fill me with that love. We need God’s love in order for real change to happen. And we need God’s transforming love in order to accept who we are.
Trust me, this is the only way you will start to be able to change from within. How on earth do you think your body is going to listen to you when you hate it and react out of anger and hatred and stress because you despise how you look, or what you do or who you are? The stress that self hatred causes and the roadblock it creates in order for you to reach recovery is so big that you might as well quit and not even try. This is why you haven't been able to recover and it was why I wasn't able to either.
When I finally realized that I didn’t have love for myself and I surrendered and accepted God’s love and asked Him to fill me with His love ... that was when the change began. That was when I was able to stop expecting such impossible standards for myself and it was when I was able to start resting in who I was ... in Christ. How I looked didn’t matter because I was finally resting in who I was and not in how I looked. I became joyful again and happy about life! I didn’t need to stress about how I looked because I knew that I was enough just as I was and knowing that God loved me just as I was! The self hatred and the living in the extremes became less and less and then balance became more and more. My weight started to level out too.
Loving your body is a step, an action, something you must do in order for change to happen ... it just starts in a way that is never, ever mentioned. Because It means admitting and realizing you don’t have love for yourself. But once you accept that fact, and surrender to the reality that you need God’s love to fill you up … for yourself … then you can start loving yourself, with God’s love! And the cool thing about all this is when you are filled with God’s love, it doesn't stop with just loving yourself. That is only where it starts. When you are filled with God’s love it starts with yourself, then it goes to loving your family better, then your neighbors and coworkers … it doesn’t stop! His love is never ending so it just extends to everyone ... it just starts with you! You know the verse in the Bible, the golden rule … “Love your neighbor as yourself”. It says it right there. Start with loving yourself … with God’s love. I promise you, the change will happen ... on the inside ... but it will start to happen.
It’s your choice, you can spend years working on the outside of your body and never achieve real health or true recovery or you can start working on the inside, something that nobody sees ... for a while, and then achieve true health, healing and happiness ... which is something everyone will notice ... it just takes longer and it means admitting that we don't have what it takes ... but God does!
I hope this encourages you and maybe helps clear up any confusion or anger you have to all the slogans of all the diets out there. Simply ask God to fill you with His love for yourself. His love is strong, determined, kind, gentle, honest and everlasting. You need that kind of love in order for the change to become a reality! The change does start with you ... start by admitting you don’t have it, ask God to fill you with His love, and then watch as God works in His mighty, mysterious ways. Then I promise, you will see the change and ultimately it will lead you to an everlasting recovery!
~ Natalie