Trapped From Within

I didn’t have much time to write this week because my sisters and I  have been working on some really exciting stuff for our music! So I thought I would share with you all something I wrote as I was recovering from anorexia. I wrote this during a little window of time before I was struggling with bulimia and a time where I was really trying hard to get over my anorexia. So this poem, or whatever you call it, is describing my fight with anorexia. It’s not great, and technically unfinished but I thought it was good to go ahead and share this instead of letting it sit on my phone for another four years! Here is “Trapped From Within”.

Trying to pray to the Lord through my rage,

But nothing will change, I'm trapped in this cage

Something inside, won't let me be me

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to be free

As my head hits the pillow it all becomes clear 

As if the fog has lifted and is nowhere near

But when the morning comes I'm back to square one

Not even caring to win, but only to run

I'm trapped from within, I thought I'd be free

Isn't this what the world screams to be

I did my very best so that I might win

I'm starting to see, that I'm trapped from within

As the darkness grows, the light disappears

So many emotions, anger, sorrow and fear 

I know I need help, I can't seem to win

I finally realize, I'm trapped from within

The world says to "look, dress and be this way

Then you will be the best”...so they say

So I gave up myself and all I hold dear

To only wake up and find that I'm here

I'm trapped from within, I've lost all control

I have no more feeling inside of my soul

I am so lost I don't know where to begin

But I know that I don't want, to be trapped from within

Do I have what it takes, to leave all behind 

The evil will try to entangle my mind

But I have to be strong, be determined and fight

To escape from this darkness and run to the Light

Do I have what it takes, to trust in the One

Who has fought this battle and has already won

He's always been there just waiting to see

If I'll look up to Him and know...Jesus loves me

I'm not trapped from within, I have found the key

I am worthy and loved, I just didn't see

Nothing had to change, I'm who I've always been

I never had to be, trapped from within

~Natalie